Today I am going to do, what every single girl out there wants to do. Advertise myself. I am in need of a boyfriend. It is high time I learn something about forming and mainting interpersonal relationships, and not just the ones that you get by default ( like family). I have great friends, but they all are lethargic goodfornothing friends. I have been desperately seeking a partner for so long, but only help that I got was some bullshit 'kind' words and more 'best' friends. I am tired of being single. I want to find a partner, and be like that couple on Valentine's day, who pisses everyone off by their intolerable display of 'love'. I want to be corny, I want to write love poems, and I want annoying pet names too.
So here it is, my advertisement. I am going to chalk out some good things about me. If you see what you like, you know where to find me. ( No freaks please, I got enough of my own drama.)
1) Every boy demands for a good looking, sexy, well toned, katrina'ish girlfriend. Today is your lucky day, because I am none of those. I have got enough compliments on being cute, but sexy isnt what I would call myself. Well toned??? Hahahahaha...wait lemme breathe....
Ok, lets face the facts. With me around, you may just never need a bodyguard. You want to scare your annoying neighbourhood kids, try me. You want a live sized pillow to cuddle, try me. You want to feel good about your own health, try me.
Please, under no circumstances think that I will lose weight for you, because many have tried this tactic and failed miserably. Fat acceptance will take you places with me.....just saying.
2) Every boy complains about girlfriend drama. This is clearly my plus point. I have heard so many boys whine about this that I know exactly how to survive a relationship sans drama. I have just never got the opportunity to test it. Being single for so long has significantly lowered my expectations. Things that might tick off other girlfriends, may fail to even alert my numbed feminine brain. I do not expect you to celebrate monthly anniversaries, or splurge money on me. Just remember my birthday, and we are good to go.
3) I am crazy loyal. I have had same set of best friends for ages now and mom too. My feelings for people are consistent and they hardly ever change.
If I like you, and I tell you that, believe me. It will be the most genuine thing you will hear from me, and I do speak a lot of crap. Fidelity would never be an issue with me, because even if I want to cheat, no boy would cheat with me. So you are safe on that front.
4) I am flexible. I do not mean physically so stop visualising and wipe that smirk. I listen to diverse kinds and genres of music, I read anything that I can lay my hands on, I can watch any movie (ok...exception jet li movies and the following:
a) I do not understand abstract art, poems, prose, songs, etc. But I can fake my way through it.
b) If you are a nature lover and want to go trekking, do not expect me to join along. I have no intentions of living like a homeless person and indulging in physical work at the same time. I can not kill birds and still be appreciating nature.
c) Social causes people, I dont give a damn. Seriously, dont show me the pictures, I just dont. If you are one of those sheeples, who joins some social cause because it is popular right now ( read the tiger thingy), or feel that just because you are part of their facebook page makes you socially aware and responsible, expect some hardcore pointing and laughing.)
Other than that, I can mould myself into just about anything. Little bit of conditioning and alcohol.
5) As you might have already inferred, I have an awesome personality. No, seriously. I can make people laugh, annoy them, and get some sadistic pleasure out of their misery at the same time. (Ask my students). Apart from my frequent emotional breakdowns, panic attacks, histrionic predisposition, and emotional manipulation, I am completely normal. A little bit of diva dance didnt hurt any one. (And my morose poems are not signs of depression, you overanalysing fucktards...aaah...relief). My mom says I am cool, I must be.
So, if you read anything you may have liked, please, send me a private message. I am waiting. ( However, if I dont reply to your coughpervertedcough messages, dont mind me. I am desperate, not dead.)
