You and I.

You came into my life, just when I was searching for answers.
You showed me light, when I was aching with pain.
You caressed my soul, ever so softly.
You were my herb, my medicine.

You called me beautiful, when no one else did.
You called me smart, when I felt tongue tied.
You erased any little self doubt that traumatized me.
You wiped tears, as my heart cried.

You saw me growing, slowly and steadily.
You saw me shining, glowing with faith.
You made me feel like a whole again.
You helped me overpower my contemptuous ache.

You told me that it was time, one fine evening.
You said that it was for the best.
You whispered your sweet apologies and regrets.
You allowed me to mourn, till my eyes could rest.

You promised a better tomorrow for me.
You cuddled me to muffle my cries.
You confessed the deceit pained you.
You did not want to be a part of my life.

You gave me immense hope for the future.
You taught me to love myself despite the pain.
You loved me unconditionally for each day together.
You are leaving now, as it is the end.

Deceitful fairy tales.
Lonesome Goodbyes.
Resurrected faith.
Inevitable end.


P.S. I love you till the end.

Booty and the labels alike!

I wish there was some way I could hug each one of you
Whisper in your ears, “Its gonna be fine”
But we all know I would be lying,
As I too am clueless, your sister in this ache.

Girl, how did we get here?
How did we forget the rhymes?
And got stuck with the blues
Deluded by fairytales and songs of blue moon.

We were lied to, betrayed
And yet we sit here aching
Thinking…
Was it my mistake?

Girl, how did we get here?
When did we let ourselves become just a digit?
Letting a fool label us
Spewing his dichotomous hypocritical shit!

Remember, when we were strong
Bestowed with these endless possibilities
We still have that potential
The serene mind and inseparable tranquility.

Girl, how did we get here?
Crying our tears, mourning our soul
Edging towards breakdown of our psyche
When we should be out there, Rejoicing!

We aint gonna stop here, are we?
We aint gonna give up.
We are gonna survive this
Our triumph is gonna be chic

Girl, how did we get here?
Letting ourselves down like this?
We owe it to the woman in us
To walk that walk, being spectacular in our levity.

I have immense respect for you women
I appreciate your presence in my life
I have learned so much, from each one of you
Don’t let no fool take away your self-belief

Girl, we are going to stop wondering.
We are going to pick ourselves up and walk
Head high, heels clucking, with restored faith
The lady has left the building.



This is dedicated to all my girlfriends. We have been in this together, and yes, this was long overdue.

Still Seeking...

I see your face everyday when I look in the mirror
The emotions that I feel are so intense and debilitating.
My hands tremble from the rage that builds inside
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.


When I look around to seek that validation
I feel lonely, worthless and humiliated
I try to reason, why I do this to myself again and again,
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.

I wonder, what I must have done
I rationalise, regress, repress and sublime
I overthink and dream that one day, you may come
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.



I am running out of energy now, battles cease to excite me
Tired of asking questions whose answers will wound me
This war is not worth winning
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.

Sometimes, I see it in her eyes, the fear that you left behind
I feel it in her, the insecurity and disappointment of my failure
But it kills me thousand times and more, when she sees you in me
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.

I can see the wrinkles on your face, frown lines and crow's feet
I can count each one till my misery bleeds
Still, I love you so much, that I cant get myself to leave.
I remember, yet again, that you rejected me.

Seeking Boyfriend.

Today I am going to do, what every single girl out there wants to do. Advertise myself. I am in need of a boyfriend. It is high time I learn something about forming and mainting interpersonal relationships, and not just the ones that you get by default ( like family). I have great friends, but they all are lethargic goodfornothing friends. I have been desperately seeking a partner for so long, but only help that I got was some bullshit 'kind' words and more 'best' friends. I am tired of being single. I want to find a partner, and be like that couple on Valentine's day, who pisses everyone off by their intolerable display of 'love'. I want to be corny, I want to write love poems, and I want annoying pet names too.

So here it is, my advertisement. I am going to chalk out some good things about me. If you see what you like, you know where to find me. ( No freaks please, I got enough of my own drama.)

1) Every boy demands for a good looking, sexy, well toned, katrina'ish girlfriend. Today is your lucky day, because I am none of those. I have got enough compliments on being cute, but sexy isnt what I would call myself. Well toned??? Hahahahaha...wait lemme breathe....

Ok, lets face the facts. With me around, you may just never need a bodyguard. You want to scare your annoying neighbourhood kids, try me. You want a live sized pillow to cuddle, try me. You want to feel good about your own health, try me.





Please, under no circumstances think that I will lose weight for you, because many have tried this tactic and failed miserably. Fat acceptance will take you places with me.....just saying.

2) Every boy complains about girlfriend drama. This is clearly my plus point. I have heard so many boys whine about this that I know exactly how to survive a relationship sans drama. I have just never got the opportunity to test it. Being single for so long has significantly lowered my expectations. Things that might tick off other girlfriends, may fail to even alert my numbed feminine brain. I do not expect you to celebrate monthly anniversaries, or splurge money on me. Just remember my birthday, and we are good to go.

3) I am crazy loyal. I have had same set of best friends for ages now and mom too. My feelings for people are consistent and they hardly ever change.




If I like you, and I tell you that, believe me. It will be the most genuine thing you will hear from me, and I do speak a lot of crap. Fidelity would never be an issue with me, because even if I want to cheat, no boy would cheat with me. So you are safe on that front.

4) I am flexible. I do not mean physically so stop visualising and wipe that smirk. I listen to diverse kinds and genres of music, I read anything that I can lay my hands on, I can watch any movie (ok...exception jet li movies and the following:
a) I do not understand abstract art, poems, prose, songs, etc. But I can fake my way through it.
b) If you are a nature lover and want to go trekking, do not expect me to join along. I have no intentions of living like a homeless person and indulging in physical work at the same time. I can not kill birds and still be appreciating nature.
c) Social causes people, I dont give a damn. Seriously, dont show me the pictures, I just dont. If you are one of those sheeples, who joins some social cause because it is popular right now ( read the tiger thingy), or feel that just because you are part of their facebook page makes you socially aware and responsible, expect some hardcore pointing and laughing.)




Other than that, I can mould myself into just about anything. Little bit of conditioning and alcohol.

5) As you might have already inferred, I have an awesome personality. No, seriously. I can make people laugh, annoy them, and get some sadistic pleasure out of their misery at the same time. (Ask my students). Apart from my frequent emotional breakdowns, panic attacks, histrionic predisposition, and emotional manipulation, I am completely normal. A little bit of diva dance didnt hurt any one. (And my morose poems are not signs of depression, you overanalysing fucktards...aaah...relief). My mom says I am cool, I must be.


So, if you read anything you may have liked, please, send me a private message. I am waiting. ( However, if I dont reply to your coughpervertedcough messages, dont mind me. I am desperate, not dead.)

Red Clown Shoes

No hope, nothing to look forward to,
No dreams, nothing to cry for,
No tears, all dried up,
Only grief, to smother my heart.

One shouted,
"Attention seeker, attention seeker"
One screamed,
"Whiner, whiner"
I whimpered,
"I just wanted to share..."

One advised,
"Don't be stupid"
One pleaded,
"Listen to my song"
I whispered,
"What about about my hug?"

Just like a circus, with me at the center.
A sad clown, with the smile painted.
I sing, I dance, I entertain
With my over sized red shoes, I pretend.

But a secret still hides within me
A little morbid, little relieving.
I close my eyes, the knowing smile emerges.
Soon it will be time to hang up my red shoes, and stop the pretense.

Until then.....

No hope, nothing to look forward to,
No dreams, nothing to cry for,
No tears, all dried up,
Only grief, to smother my heart.

An Inexcusably Large existence!

As the name suggests, this is about being large. My existence has been bounded by the size of my body and life experiences have been dictated by the limitations of the same. My experience as a large person has been like a box of assorted chocolates. Some days are like caramel filled rich coco experience and others are like dark bitter chocolates. But with the increasing obsession with size zero, I feel that my ‘kind’ is becoming extinct. I am writing this article to publicize size O, a new name for the Obese.

Now keeping in theme of this advert, let me point out some things to look forward to when one reaches the almost sinful size O.

* Expect weight loss tips from the most unexpected people like taxi drivers, a lecture on perils of heart diseases by your maid, and the benefits of power walk by your night watchman.



* Expect dirty looks from fellow commuters on trains and buses for illegal encroachment of space.



* Look forward to the delightful shopping experience characterized by searching for plus size clothes in a nation obsessed with size 0.



* Expect significantly deflated self esteem sponsored by constant doubts expressed by your relatives regarding your prospects about marriage.



* Expect a sudden aversion to plastic chairs, spandex, and anything that has a potential of humiliating your body type.




Keeping all jokes aside, it is time for all the gorgeous overweight people to come together and fight this monopolization of the size zero brigade. We are humans too and want same respect and a dignified existence. Enough of the snickering and pitiful or accusing glances! We want clothes of our size, assurance of good quality chairs in all public places, equal representation in media (not just as a means of comic relief) and ban on fat jokes. We want acceptance, we want approval, and we want appreciation as fellow human beings.

Being overweight is unhealthy, but being a healthy inconsiderate human is almost injurious to humanity itself. I am tired of being dictated by others regarding how am I supposed to feel about my body. I have tried all my life to be normal, a normality, whose credit is based solely on majority. I want to love myself for who I am and not because I managed to become what others wanted me to be like. I want to feel empowered and courageous enough to accept me for me. The entire negativity towards the overweight people is extremely disturbing and calls to mind an approach to life which is based purely on aesthetics and devoid of any soul.

I am fat. I don't feel burdened by it and I don't think it's a huge responsibility. It's part of who I am. It does not define me. I am a phenomenal human, I am God’s child, I am a contributing member of this society, and the keeper of my dreams. I refuse to be limited by the restricted convictions of others and yearn to be boundless to fulfill my destiny without the feeling of inadequacy for my own body. My large existence is inexcusable to many, but for me, it is the only truth I have known about myself. It is me.