Before writing this, I did my extensive research on the topic. All these pro suicide websites are full of @#$%. They don’t know what they are talking about. See, I would never trust anyone who has devoted an entire website to helping people commit suicide. This is where I come in. I am your regular friendly, sweet, altruistic girl, who is trying to make this world a better place. You CAN trust me. So here we go….
See, jumping from a rooftop, terrace, or just your window is the most common and unimaginative thing one can do. I mean no disrespect to other peeps that have done that, but seriously, some creativity, would do no harm. It is after all the last thing people would remember you by. Do you want to be remembered for a person who just jumped from his balcony? Or someone, who ingeniously masturbated himself to death?
It’s very easy. If you start with shagging yourself at least fifteen times a day, there would come a time, when your body would just give up. It’s rather a slow death, but you can always make it interesting by watching some good porn.
Taking poisons is so passé. First of all, poisons are not readily available. The most one can do is eat enough apple seeds and wait. In all probability, you will only see those seeds, when you take your crap the next day, and yes, you would still be alive. How about a vodka enema? It’s a very easy procedure. Get an adult enema kit. You can always tell the chemist it’s for you grandmother. Then you can buy some good vodka (at least don’t be cheap here, it’s a matter of ‘life and death’) and tell them it’s for your grandmother. Now, drill some enema in your ass. I am not going to lie to you. It is going to burn like shit. It will slowly burn your insides, and if you continue the procedure, you are bound to die.
If you don’t die, you might have some problem sitting down in future. Err, if you like how it feels, it can become your new erotic fantasy, and maybe then you wouldn’t have to commit suicide.
Overdosing on sleeping pills is seriously stupid. If the last thing you want to do before you die is sleep, then hell yes, you might as well die. This idea is for some peppy suicide ideas seekers. You want to die??? Listen to Kevin Federline (you know, that kid who married Britney) rap.
If that won’t do it, then watch the movie Glitter. If that won’t do it, then watch my mom do the Soulja Boy dance. That would kill the strongest of motherfuckers.
Here it is people, some really cool ways of dieing. Err; I know it says that I am learning to be a counsellor. So, to be morally and ethically safe, I would just like to add that, if you do feel like killing yourself; get in touch with your friends, parents, relatives, priest, counsellor, basically some human being who won’t nudge you off that balcony.
